Rob Hitchmough/ Ivor Dembina/ Geoff Northcott
23 October 2005
A more sedate and civilized night by Porter standards, especially compared to last week! Compere Rob Hitchmough presented a strong case for wanking on public transport and shagging Teletubbies. He also reassured us that he’s doing his bit to save us all from Avian flu – “sprinkling Lemsip on me bird table!” Suitably warmed up by this topical start, we were presented with the first act…
… Ivor Dembina is a Jew (he has the evidence, though it is “circumstantial”) from North London. Unlike the vast majority of comics on a circuit increasingly geared towards creating pre-packaged TV personalities with rapid gag-rates, Dembina delivered an engaging, almost laconic, and more politically idiosyncratic performance. Frequently, he captivated us with an earnest and powerful story about Holocaust museums or he role as peace observer in the Occupied Territories, before undercutting his narrative with some well-timed punch lines. He was also savvy enough to be able to change the pace and tone of his set to sprinkle in some stuff about sex, love, and masochism, thereby accommodating those in the audience who were too young, indifferent, or pissed to appreciate his political edge.
Perhaps Dembina’s approach didn’t best prepare the crowd for Chav Town’s Tiffiny Stevenson, who blasted us with range of crude material – pubes, shrivelled cocks, and all manner of bedroom tomfoolery. Some of this was ill advised … the Holocaust quip was not a great choice when following an accomplished Jewish comic (!) although to be fair Dembina was laughing. Stevenson’s best material was about glamorous shows like Desperate Housewives (“how ‘desperate’ exactly?”) and Sex in the City, where she had quality ideas for manky British equivalents. Coming from an acting background, Stevenson has already made some headway with TV work. She has only been doing stand-up for about a year and, with her striking presence to boot, if she wants to stick at it she’ll be one to watch.
Geoff Northcott was much more aggressive (in a good way) and powerful than his somewhat namby-pamby promo-photo suggested. Get it changed, Geoff! He had fantastic material based around his impression of Golem from Lord of the Rings and further demonstrated his vocal-range by some impressive singing and rapping. He also brought in relatively topical material – including petrol prices, Rooney, tax evasion, and the new James Bond. At times, he seemed to think this newer stuff wasn’t any good but, if so, he was at odds with me and of most of the crowd! He also performed with conviction on topics like board games, environmentalism, and the extinction of the dinosoars, the latter of which left me laughing very hard. Keenly observed and very enjoyable throughout.
Joke Competition
What’s the difference between Lord Nelson and an ironing board
- They’re both good at flattening frogs
- If I do the ironing it’ll be celebrated for longer than 200 years
- My ironing board has more than one leg (Hitchmough: (patronising) “Are we getting confused with Long John Silver?”
- There’s no pigeon shit on my ironing board
- My ironing board’s first name is Horatio too
Heckles
Hitchmough: Is everyone up for doing the Mexican Testicle Dance?
Female Heckler: That’s sexist!
Hitchmough: Oh, well you can do a Fallopian tube dance, if you like.
Female Heckler: No!
Hitchmough: Oh just wiggle your flaps then!
Hitchmough: My mum’s got a better memory than John Merrick.
(Audience is unmoved)
Heckler: Who’s John Merrick?
Hitchmough: He’s the Elephant Man. And an elephant never forgets… (dawns on him, confesses to audience) You were right to despise the joke.
Northcott: What’s your name?
Heckler: (pauses) … Kev
Northcott: The questions are going to get harder, Kev.
Northcott: Kev, you’re at it again (talking). What are you doing?
Kev’s girlfriend: He’s stealing my wine.
Northcott: Kev, go and buy your own wine! In fact, why don’t you fuck off and grow the grapes!
(Kev leaves the club)
Northcott: He’s not good enough for you.
Kev’s girlfriend: He’s alright. He’s a good North London boy.
Northcott: Aren’t they all in Bath.
Matthew Alford